In her book Animals Make us Human, Temple Grandin describes the varying aspects of emotional well being for different animals. In the section on cats she explains that, unlike dogs, cats don’t have the same language ability for apologizing. This is the reason cat fights escalate so quickly and can be so brutal, there’s no communication available for de-escalation.
I found this point in her book to be particularly fascinating. It made me think of driving and humans’ propensity for “road rage.” When you accidentally cut someone off on the highway you almost never have any method of apologizing. The person becomes angry and might even react with aggressive driving or honking. There’s a way to show that you’re angry or to give warning, but very little room for saying you’re sorry.
I remember a unique instance where I had accidentally pulled in in front of someone, immediately thinking “damn that was a jerk move on my part.” Shortly there after I came to a stop light with the car pulled up next to me. I looked over and saw the driver and passenger livid and yelling. Despite the fact they couldn’t actually hear me I tried my best to shrug in an apologetic manner and say I was sorry. They stared at me a moment then looked at each other. We were close enough I could read what they were saying “He said he’s sorry” Their demeanor changed, they laughed, waved, said “no worries!”, and then the light turned green and we drove off.
Most cases of making mistakes while driving don’t give you the opportunity for this type of communication. Like with cats, a deficiency in language escalates anger and aggression. It’s interesting to think of ways to mitigate this. A green or blue light that purposefully signals apology? A glowy “I’m sorry” sign that can be switched on, or a soft sounding apologetic horn sound? I can’t think of anything that doesn’t seem a little cheesy or ridiculous, but I think it’s worth considering the impact an ability to apologize would have on how we drive.
It’s also a fascinating topic to think about in general. What are other ways deficiencies in communication lead to aggression? Texting can be confusing. Social media seems to bring this out as well. I think the combination of not seeing people, feeling anonymous, not being able to portray tone or read facial expression leads similarly to anger or aggression in these areas.
What are some other area’s with similar effects from communication deficiencies? How can thinking about cats affect your relationship to apologies with interpersonal relationships? How can thinking about cats affect your actions and attitude while driving or on social media? What other thoughts or topics does this bring up for you? What are things cats are able to communicate that we are lacking? Do they notice some glaring deficiency in our abilities to communicate…?
I’d like to add that Temple Grandin actually talks about how cats use their sense of smell to communicate. This is one of the reasons they appear so aloof, and an example of a type of communication that they may notice that we don’t pick up on. They might make fun of us for it too…
I think often that we expect people to react to us in an unkindly way, so therefore are more prone to be aggressively reactive than is warranted. Our armadillo shields are up before we realize that we don’t need to be porcupines (forgive the mixed metaphor).
Thanks a great point! I think being aware of out expectations and conditioning can give us more flexibility.
I really like the analogy!